Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
