she was so not down for the gang bang
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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