I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
