nut hugger
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
