I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
