so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
