I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
