I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize