i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
