I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
