Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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