Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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