Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
