I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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