youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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