So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So vagazzling was a success
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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