she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
