You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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