Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
