so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
