My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
