big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
