This is not my ceiling
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
