I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
