adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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