is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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