a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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