That's when you crack a 10am beer
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
