Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
