Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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