you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize