Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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