The beer is more important than you right now.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
