Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
