you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
