why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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