my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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