that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
