How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
