Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
