I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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