that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
