Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
