She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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