I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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