you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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