its not stalking. its research.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
