Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
