Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
grandma shit on top of the toilet
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
