OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
