I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
