You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
