i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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