My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
