I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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