all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
