So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
no, he came in my armpit
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
