I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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