After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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