I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
