apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You have to summon your inner elephant
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize