I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
