oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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