This is not my ceiling
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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