I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
