I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
