hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
