My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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