there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
