I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize