hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
