you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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