Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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