If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize