How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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