Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
