in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
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The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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