the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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