Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think people are normalizing furries
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