I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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