At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
