no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
