yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
