if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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