i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
