Yo dont text me then not text me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
