I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize