I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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