I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
