so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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