i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
