Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
