i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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