There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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