Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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