I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
