Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
