i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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