your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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